Journal Entry Five  Bedtime Stories
by Ryla Dante
Summary: Part 5...What the boys might be thinking after each episode if they could speak their own minds on MySpace...Sam and Dean now have their own personal blogs...so check in every week! Major spoilers for Bedtime Stories. Semi AU...


A/N: Okay...I did it...got this one out a little faster!! Now, this Journal Entry is a bit different...because of the way the show ended I decided to have each brother edit their own blog to what happened. Like what if they had mentioned the trip to Mississippi?? The last two paragraphs of each blog is the fake edit...This is why I post each entry as SemiAU...

By the way...the line Sam says in the first paragraph about his life being a movie...I did that on purpose. Just a little joke there :)

Enjoy!

Disclaimer: Eric Kripke and all others own whatever I don't...it's just a shame if you really truly think about it, but if you don't well then, okay!

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**Sam's Blog...**

October 31st, 2007 - Wednesday

Faerie tales come to life? Yeah this has to be the wildest case we have EVER come into contact with. I mean I have always been fascinated with Grimm's Faerie Tales, the depth and eeriness they portray. Yet when they start happening all around you, right in front of you, things begin to take on a darker quality than ever before. I sometimes wonder if my life is just one big movie and I am just reading lines from cue cards or something. If only it were that simple.

Callie, poor Callie. Seeing her lying in that bed brought back so many memories. I knew just how Dr. Garrison felt sitting with her day in and day out, reading to her in hopes that one day she would awaken to call him Daddy again. It cut deeper than any knife could dare to. I felt as if I needed to sooth his fears to tell him things would be okay, but honestly, would they ever be? In the end he lost his little girl, and soon I will lose Dean and it tears me up inside.

Dean conveyed to me that what the Doctor said was right. Him telling Callie it was okay to let go and that he could let go as well. How dare Dean be so flippant. If I had not been so emotionally wrecked I would have socked him right then and there. At least we would have saved the trip to the hospital. Then he simply walked away leaving me to try and deal with that statement all by myself knowing damned well that it was the lowest form of apathy. I seriously do not know how he can just look me in the face and say that this is going to be okay that he can carry on this way. Doesn't he see how I hurt whenever I see him smile when he talks about his impending doom? He acts as if this is a game and that he is the only one playing. Yeah well, the two minute warning is approaching fast buddy, so get your head out of your ass and get it back into the real game: Life!

Well...Dean warned me two days ago not to go looking for trouble, not to go to Mississippi and have anything to do with that bitch, but I have no choice. Dean brought this on himself. He made it so difficult for me to be the brother I wanted to be, to just be happy. I love Dean and would do anything for him. That is why I have to do this, have to save his ass for good this time. No matter the outcome things have to change around here. I can not stand the animosity Dean gives me whenever I bring up the deal. He constantly changes the subject, barks at me, then wants to fight over petty garbage. It is draining me of every decent emotion I have left. All that is present of my being is a hollow core that houses a cold heart and fear that hell will encompass whatever emptiness has been created. This trip may be the only surefire way to douse the flames in my mind and break the hold from the abyss. I just pray that whatever comes from it does not make things worse than before. God please protect me and keep me save, this I beg of you. Amen!

Dean stared at me as I entered the motel room with my false excuse for leaving. I saw him out of the corner of my eye as he typed on his laptop. The look on his face said it all. He knew and there was no way I could hide it. He questioned me for a few minutes and I just clammed up per usual. I did not want to talk about it for fear of losing my brother emotionally. I need him right now, the ties, loose as they are, have to stay bound. Cause if they break at this point in time everything we have fought for, everything we have tried to accomplish will crash and burn with it.

Well I did it. She's dead. The deal still stands, but the daemon breathes no more. Her eyes died as the bullet slipped into her skull. The sad thing about the whole ordeal is that...I actually liked it. The look on her face as I pulled the trigger almost made me smile. Dear God what have I become? I want this to end and end now! The war inside my soul is beginning to tear me asunder. I am not sure if I can fight it any longer, and with Dean off in his own little world now I no longer have anyone to protect me...protect me from myself. Please somebody, stop this agony before it overtakes me completely!

_Last edited by: Sam W. 10/31/07 06:32:27. Edited 1 times. _

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**Dean's Blog...**

October 31st, 2007 - Wednesday

Yeah, I know calling Sammy gay was wrong. Yet sometimes he knows WAY too much about certain things and it spooks the hell out of me. Of course if I had ever cracked open a book instead of a shotgun as a kid, maybe I would know a little bit more myself. Well, that is the life of a hunter, all work and no play.

Hmmmm, fairy tales come to life? Kinda cool if you ask me. That is until one of the main players begins to kick your ass. I mean, getting your ass kicked is one thing, but by a muscle with a Wile. E. Coyote tattoo is a bit weird. Wile never could do much damage in the Roadrunner cartoons, (Acme always seemed to know his number if you get my drift,) yet this dude could bash me around like Crash Bandicoot on speed. Obviously it was not his doing, that little girl had her hand in that one. Which is another thing. Little ghosty girls make me all creepy like. The big guys I can deal with cause they are on my level, but those little bitches have a corner on the market that I just don't want anywhere near. Shivers dude, shivers. Moving on.

Now what is with that brother of mine? He goes off on a wild tangent in the car before we even get here screaming at me about the deal (I hate it when he brings up that thing. I have told him time and time again to let it drop, but he is just so persistent. He gets it from out Dad unfortunately!) knowing I did not want to hear anything about it. He yelled about how he wanted to take the gun with him and blow away the Red eyed bitch. I scolded him telling him that was not going to happen. I had a bad feeling he was not going to listen to me, and when I told him how I felt about what Dr. Garrison said, I could see it in his eyes. He was determined to keep me alive as long as possible damn the consequences. As I stare at him, tapping away furiously on his keyboard, I just hope he rethinks it and sleeps on it. His face looks pained as if he is straining to think about ten different things at once. Too much as fallen on his young shoulders lately and I hate seeing him like this. It hurts, knowing that I am the main cause of it. I said it already numerous times that I don't want to leave Sammy, not now not ever. But I know there is no way in hell I am ever going to be able to break this deal and I give two shits about what that slick ass Ruby can do. I still believe she has ulterior motives and just wants to screw us over in the end. Demons are known for only one thing: Fucking with your minds!

God...I awoke about an hour ago and saw to my horror that Sammy was gone. I hope that he only went to the corner Café to get some coffee to calm his nerves and didn't...I don't even want to think about it because if I do it will drive me crazy. The mere idea that Sam disobeyed me to try and break this deal causes my stomach to do the tango. Nearly five in the morning, Christ it has been four hours since I wrote this original Blog...I fell asleep shortly after that while Sam was still on his own computer. That means he could have left anytime after that. He...Oh there he comes. He has food, but his face, it's even more pained and he just tossed the food on the table and won't look at me.

He swears that he was at the Café getting that shit, and no matter how much I prodded him he would not say any more. Now he just sits on his bed staring at the floor, but in reality I know he is thinking about whatever the hell it is he did there. I know he went to Mississippi I can read it on his face because I had that same look on my own only a short while back. Sammy what the hell have you done and what did it do to you? I just hope that in time he will divulge this information to me. I am afraid that if I push he will crack and I will never get my brother back.

_Last edited by: Dean W. 10/31/07 04:48:51. Edited 1 times._

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